Boys Will Be... Menaces

Listening to the two little demons that dwell next door made me realize that if I ever end up with a child, I hope to have a girl. But it's not just the rambunctious noises, violent acts, and general mischief of the neighbor boys that led me to that conclusion. Those factors just led me to reminiscing about the havoc I created for the first, oh, twenty-six years of my life. But especially the first ten or so.

The neighbor boys may be a little troublesome, but I've never seen them climb a fence to throw dirt in the neighbor's pool, which I can remember doing on several occasions. Or there was the time on Mother's Day I climbed a different fence and cut down all the neighbor's roses to give to my mom. I can remember breaking two windows with baseballs and a mirror with a football. I used to go out and collect fish and put them in a jar. All I wanted to do was eat Chex and look at my fish, dead or alive.

Of course, now I'm all grown up. Despite the fact that I collect it by the F-150-full, I'm actually pretty stingy with my dirt, so I would never throw it. And I haven't given anyone a flower in three years. No longer do I hurl around projectiles- they don't like that in the sports bars I have traded in for the fields of yesteryear. The fish? Well, that's still a problem of mine.

But that's fine, never did I say I wanted to change my ways. I still want to chase lizards and not cut my hair. I still want to see how many times I can swim across the pool and not do laundry. I still don't mind being a bit of a disaster area, and I don't hold that against anyone, even the neighbor's kids. But don't think I'm contradicting my original point. Who could tolerate me and an accomplice?

Me and Carrot (who was eaten by a cat on Easter), my sister Lauren, Jessica Webber

I just wrote a couple hundred words explaining my point, so according to the old axiom, this photo is about 5 times more instructive. Which is probably about right. Which one of these do you want?