OCD

Some people have accused me of being a little bit obsessive compulsive. I'm not too sure if that's true. I cite exhibits A & B, my disorganized hair -do (hair don't) and business receipt filing system (not so much system, as cardboard box) as examples of my ability to deal with adverse situations without anxiety. I've heard of people with OCD that can't drive over bumps without stopping to check if their car is falling apart. And while it may be true that I often think pieces of my truck are falling off, I'm usually right. So I don't think I'm OCD, except in one area in particular.

I'm pretty sure I have Prayer OCD. It stems from childhood, which is a perilous time. As a child your mind is not quite as acute and you don't always fully understand situations around you; all you want to do is eat toaster pizzas and play video games. So in other words, it's like your constantly drunk. Just look at kids- they scream in public, they can't drive, they laugh their grimy little heads off at cartoons. Kids are constantly drunk (this is why kids aren't allowed to drink, they'd be doubly drunk, perhaps a future blog subject), so it's a very dangerous time indeed. Anyway, at some point in my drunken stupor called childhood, some nun or something told me to say a "Hail Mary" every time an ambulance passes. And now I do it every time. I thought about giving it up, but I can't. Maybe I know that sooner or later I'll be the one in the ambulance. Or maybe it's just OCD.

But my condition isn't manifested by praying too frequently. It's not like I'm down here talking God's ear off. I realized my Prayer OCD when I really started thinking about my two main go-to prayers. Ever since I can remember I have always said a prayer right before bed. I always ask for some good rest, specifically requesting that I may sleep well "tonight and tomorrow morning," as though God wouldn't figure out what I meant if I said, "Bless me with some rest tonight." In fairness to me, it is ambiguous. If I don't add that I want to sleep well in the morning also, God may find it fit to have me wake up at midnight and be peppy like a mongoose on Red Bull. Granted, I'm not the type of person who has ever felt even slightly "peppy" in my life (I'm not sure I've ever even used that word), but it could happen if I didn't ask to sleep well in the early morning hours too. I tried to stop laying out the timeline for my sleep in my prayer, but I couldn't stop. Maybe it's OCD. The other time I always say a prayer is when I go diving. I always ask to be free from any hazard that would cause "death or hospitalization." I'm pretty cool with a little mangling, right up until I have to go to the hospital. I haven't even considered changing this prayer to anything more general or brief, except that sometimes when I don't have anything planned for awhile I leave out the hospitalization part. Maybe I have OCD, but I'm not greedy.

Other than that I don't pray for too much. It just doesn't make too much sense to me. For instance, why would my prayer for the person in the ambulance do him or her any good? Did God plan to let that person die, but since I asked otherwise he reconsidered and decided my plan was better? Sounds unlikely. But, I guess it doesn't hurt to throw your petitions up to The Big Man, as long as you realize he is the creator of the universe not a magical genie or Santa Claus. You know, just throw your worries and cares up to Him. I guess that's why I say my prayers. That or OCD.